As some of you know I participated in the Naftzger Music Competition this past weekend. I was proud of my performance and the selections I offered, however, I did not make it to finals. The judges were offering some verbal feedback after they consulted with the finalists on their concert selections. I spoke with the vocal judge and asked him what it was that I could improve on or where I lacked in comparison to the other candidates. He said that he thought I had wonderful technique and selections and that I was one of the youngest in the competition. He told me the reason why I was not advances was because I was not very expressive as a performer.

This is absolutely the worst thing I could ever hear as a performer. My greatest wish is that someone be able to take something from my performance to bring them joy and or understanding. I almost would have rather been told that my technique needed work, not that I could not communicate as a performer. I've always been told how expressive I have been, so it was a real shocker (no WSU pun intended) for me to have that as a comment. As much as things like this hurt to hear, there has to be some truth in it. I've always tried to truly serve the text/emotional content/ and composer's wishes when I sing. But clearly there is yet more digging that I can do to cultivate my expressive capabilities. I had the rest of the evening to ponder and process the judge's comments....and drink a glass of wine :) I decided that I'm starting to not really like voice competitions at this point, but more importantly...despite not having wonderful experiences with them, that I can learn so much if I can apply myself to the areas recommended to me.

Other than that, I have been rereading the Psalms again at night before I go to bed. I will never get tired of them. They bring such comfort and peace to me, which is what I long for after a day's work and study. God's word continually helps me to mature and grow, and to take criticism gladly and learn from it. I'm so grateful that He is constantly with me and guiding me and teaching me more each and every day. My last semester here is coming quickly to an end, but I have so enjoyed being able to have some alone time. Time spent reflecting on my past, present, and my unknown future. But that's where God comes in and lets me appreciate my time and knowledge I've gained here and a peace about what is yet to come...all the while continually learning :)

I realize it's been a while since my last post and a great deal has happened since then, so make yourself comfortable :)

I FINALLY had my recital last Friday. I have to say it's a huge relief to have it done. This recital was a bear for me to tackle, and as usual I had no one to blame but myself for making it a bear...let me explain... I had picked out all of my recital repertoire last spring and had 95% of it learned before the summer. Over the summer my voice matured a big...specifically shifting higher. Usually I would be ecstatic for my voice to have grown and have more umph to play with. However, due to this shift in range, I lost my ability to park it in the lower section of my voice for any long length of time. Popping down there for a little bit, just peachy...but to sing a whole recital in the lower part of my register for an hour and a half...was not going to happen. I began picking out new literature this fall semester in October and finalized all the recital material in late February. All of this plus learning my role for the spring opera and my o-so-lovely Personal Computing homework, which by the by takes up a ridiculous amount of my time, ugh! Needless to say, lots of hard work to be done in not much time. Thanks to my ever fabulous accompanist, Bridget, and my teacher (whom I could not live without), Pina, I managed to get it all together.

The week of my recital I went through a I-hate-my-artistry/musicianship phase. We are always our worst critics, but I didn't feel as prepared as I knew I could be and it's so frustrating to feel that way. But the recital rolled around and there is just something about performing for a live audience that magnifies your musicianship and artistry as a performer. For me, I never would have pictured myself with an operatic career. I went to college thinking I could be that quirky and sarcastic high school choral director, but God had other plans. I will be the first to admit that I have my short comings, but I do my best to step out of the way and let God control the direction in my life. When he began to lead me down this opera performance route, my biggest fear was that I would be doing it for the wrong reasons. But the more opportunity I have to expose myself to music and to perform, the more I understand why I am in it for the right reasons. My prayer before every audition and performance is that God show me the way to go and that someone would be touched by the performance in a way that they could learn something, or that it would bring them joy or comfort, or help them understand humanity better as a whole. I know it's not the most normal prayer a performer could have....I usually top it off with, "And please help me not to screw up!" haha. After I have my moment of prayer, I just take a deep breath and go out there and do.

I had TONS of people at the recital. It was kind of my big send off from the mid-west seeing as I will be moving to College Park, MD in August. I loved being able to see so many of the people who have helped shape, mold and support me throughout my childhood and early adult life. It was a bittersweet moment for me. Sweet because of all the hard work and the end result being shared with my friends and family. Bitter because I know I will be going farther away from all of them. But I can look back through my life at this point with such gratitude for the numerous blessings these people have added to my life and be able to carry their love and support with me wherever I go.

All of that being said, I still have a voice competition next Friday that I have to prep for and I'm desperately trying to do all of my makeup labs for my Personal Computing class...ew. But today was one of those days where I was able to just reflect on this chapter in my life that is coming to a close. I've been at WSU for 5 years. God gave me a passion for music. I had little to give when I first began, but I am willing to work to cultivate what God has given me. Look at how He helped me grow over the past 5 years!!! It's incredible to see how far He's brought me and it fills me with awe at what He's capable of. Although moving is exciting and a little frightening at the same time, I'm anxious to see what God has in store for me at Maryland. For the first time in a REALLY long time, I have such a peace about my life and the work that has been accomplished in it. I'm so grateful for the people in my life and the different aspects they've brought.

Anyways, I realize this is a rather long post, but I've been overdue ;) Hope you all are doing well and I'll keep you posted about my voice competition, Naftzger Music Competition, next week! Lots of ♥ to you all!